So the time of year has come to start celebrating birthdays…the first one being by mom’s pet cocker-spaniel and her son– Champ!
So happy birthday champ….You have always been my  friend and singing companion….We’ve shared love for the same singers and enjoyed listening to music for hours together. You have listened to my secrets without judgement and been my pillow when I’ve just needed a soft toy to hug! We have shared games together and jokes together…you made me exercise and at the same time you’ve spoilt me by showing me what a peaceful sleep looks like…I envy your quiet, calm, uncomplicated mind! When Cookie came in to my life and my arms , you made way for her and allowed me to become her constant companion. never once did you hold back affection or be envious of the love i give her. Every time, we are together, I am amazed how you have the maturity of an adult and yet the exuberance of a child….You teach me so much and I am always grateful! I love you!
My protector ( you have jumped up to ’save’ me when we’ve played at mock fights to see your reactions!), my guide ( especially since I am the most clumsy walker int he world) and my coolest friend….I love you my soft-toy-buddy! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
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So i honestly believe that this is the hottest may ever…now I always remember the birthday month being hot but this month i’m just dripping sweat…the heavy workout in the morning never seems to be early enough and the cold shower, never seems to be cold enough! it actually seems like the universe’s payback for years of destruction—yup, school taught us right…this is what global warming seems to be all about!
and in the midst of this madness , is erratic , crazy me trying to set up millions of meetings to get 2 shows off the ground! while people are trying to leave early or go on vacation, there I am trying to get them to work a bit longer and make 2 pet projects come true….!
birthday next sunday on the 23rd and for the first time….i’m calm….i’m looking forward to pampering and fun, laughter and a day where one is forgiven for ‘just taking off…just because!’ it’s on a sunday….so well it’s like everyone’s celebrating it with me!!!! countdown shall start this weekend….for the funnest, calmest, coolest birthday ever!
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so haven’t been able to write and nope it’s not been a case of writer’s block…it’s just been a case of extreme exhaustion and a general depression that has crept into me over the last few days….now depression is a pretty alien concept for people like me (loud, smiling, causing havoc and parties!) but that’s just it…it’s terribly hard to be positive all the time , to remain happy regardless…..you have a tough few days of work and when most people can blame their boss or their co-workers….i can’t really blame my boss–me! and the annoying thing about m.s. ( my illness) is that my downs or lows are heightened many times over…so though i may not be as depressed as i am feeling…my body just goes into ’super depressed mode’ and that’s it, then!!!! i know what it’s doing. i understand it….but am powerless to stop it!—- this is my excuse for my lack of communication on my blog. and i am sorry!
qasab sentencing done….death! and i feel nothing….i would’ve thought that the sentencing would make me feel–that we did good, that he deserves it….that justice has finally prevailed….. but there’s just a dull , gnawing ache….! killing him was something we needed to do…but even that might take another 18 months….or more! and that’s ridiculous! and by killing him….we don’t get back those many innocent lives he killed that day. by hanging him, we don’t erase the pain of so many families….terror is such a thoughtless, senseless belief. and even after it leaves ; the after shocks still leaves lives shattered and cities collapsed for years to come.
walk into a hotel…it’a a 10 minute security check and even then we’re not sure we’re safe enough…the fear lives on well after the attacks are over and that’s what’s terrible! and for ever qasab that we put to death some other uneducated, louts take his place in instilling terror in the world, intent on making us never feel safe!
and a few days after this sentencing happens his news will be relegated to page 10 or pg 21 and we will have a false sense of security and we will move back into our mundane lives with ease….we ask for change every day. we ask for the system to change. we ask for the police to change, the government to change—but do we change ourselves! do we stop bribing the cop that catches us breaking a traffic light? do we stop bribing politicians and stop asking for favours…do we start being the change we want to see?! make a change in your own life…even if it is only to make urself feel happy for an hour or so…a happier you..will help ur workplace with ur happier mood and that in turn will help ur job and ur day! if a small change we make can go such a long way….think of all the things we can do to make the changes we want to see…stop laying the blame on the media, our sports people, actors or politicians…let’s each be responsible for the future we’d like to live!
if 26/11 taught me one thing; it was that life was far too short to not live every moment IN THE MOMENT! rather than taking the fear and the anger away; i’m going to focus on making every second of mine count cos qasab or no qasab one day we all gotta go…don’t we?!
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so it’s been a while with the posts and that has been entirely due to disastrous health issues….first the back and then an asthma attack & the flu rolled into one! it’s been a tough coupla days….but today i had to write!
the qasab verdict is out! and he is (surprise, surprise !!) guilty! FINALLY!
17 months down the line we can punish one of the several terrorists who held our city hostage for those 48 hrs….with photographic evidence , i’m not sure why we needed to make hundred’s of witnesses relive the trauma of that night…but atleast the verdict is finally in!
what is interesting however is the way the newspapers talk of him…i read of his fondness for bollywood and lata mangeshkar in a paper today and about his well formed, beautiful hands…now i’m sorry—i don’t think we need to idolize a known terrorist…i don’t think we need to make a martyr out of him or create a fallen hero! maybe, having written my play ‘A Personal war’  which covers stories of survivors from the terror attacks maybe i have  an undercurrent of unreleased anger but i think that his fondness for his family and love for his siblings maybe ’sweet ‘ for some but alot of people that died that day also had parents and siblings….whom they were equally fond of , if not more fond of!
Maybe the press is trying to ‘humanize’ a terrorist…make us see that he was more than a mechanical gun-toting robot!
i don’t know. but i’m not interested. i’d rather celebrate the lives we saved that day, the lives that saved others…..the lives who fight every day because they can’t get the image of a crazed, bullet-showerring lunatic from their head…
i’d rather know about what they eat for breakfast today and whether they still like bollywood…i’d rather celebrate OUR HEROES than make a hero of a cowardly terrorist who senselessly and ruthelessly killed hundreds.
i’d rather celebrate OUR HEROES!
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some prayers worked…some prayers didn’t….and i need everyone’s prayers now–most of all….people that had promised help, fell thru and i was distraught. always a straight talker…i have never been the type to promise what i will not deliver…..but in any adversity there are lessons for you to learn!
so i went back on the phone and set up 4 more meetings….wrote more letters, talked to more people and am going out to celebrate with coffee!
celebrate what? well– if we can celebrate our wins then why not our losses…cos it’s only in the losses that you eventually by the process of elimination find your true path! and if i preach so much…then i had better practice what i preach else how dare i be the preacher….so after feeling sad for all of 5 minutes , i started over and rebuilt my day!
i will achieve cos i will it so.
but pls don’t stop the prayers 
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thank you for the worry and wishes on my back!
i can fight multiple sclerosis but a back ache gets me bed-ridden…the irony of life
either way…the one day of bed rest (sunday) got me super charged for the week and i’m storming ahead full speed tho still bound to chairs/ the bed else people on the road might worry that the actual hunch back of notredame has come avisiting!
so i need prayers…..hoping that 2/3 things pan out and i have worked towards them so i need your help…prayers are in order…cos u can only propose and allow God to dispose and well with volcanic ash, match rigging and a million other controversies…God has his plate a bit over full! However my belief is that each prayer is answered…..so please pray for me and one day I know i’ll do more than the same for you!
thought for the day-: take a step back and re look for a solution when you are stuck…sometimes that small step back allows you to see another pathway to the same goal!
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so over work has been driving me ’round the bend and the gym sessions, meetings and running ’round has got me going a bit ditzy….my back had been aching and i was getting worried (having had a prior history of a bad back) that my disc might move again…so been complaining about my exhaustion with a lot of pride—i love the fact that i overwork and telling everyone i knew that my back was becoming weak and i was worried! and then saturday happened and i fell in a wet bathroom and my already weak back, decided to give way! the universe had listened as well as the back-Gods and they decided that rest was now to be made compulsory….
i can’t complain about the gym no more or the extra meeting which i walk in to sideways or am wheeled into on a wheel chair. on bed rest and i now realise that all the worries and tensions we decide to share with the universe–it might actually take seriously. it may not get, that we enjoy the extra workload or the 15 meetings and evening coffee sessions….all it heard is ‘desperate need of rest!!!’ so now i’m gonna watch what i say….or better still not complain at all…waiting to be back on my feet and dancin!
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so i thought i wouldn’t be able to post today….super rushed day and now entertaining friends in another 10 minutes or so!!!! so i’m done and relaxing….well almost…so much stress is given to planning a party…you gotta do it just right…you gotta find the right mix, have the right conversations, everyone must be interested in each other…but not too much!and despite all the whining –in the middle of the party…i’ll be planning another one
anyway this week has been about gyan…so here’s some stuff ur mom never told you….that you’ll learn with time…
- it’s easy messing ur parents house up…but u want ur house neat!
- that food doesn’t magically arrive to the table and clothes don’t get magically washed!
- that calling them every day is important….they still worry
- that you’ll always be their baby!
- that they don’t find your photographs when you were 5 years old silly!
- that it means alot when u treat them to a meal!
- that asking u for a favour….is just to check up on u sometimes!
- that they are secretly proud of you and gossip to their friends about you!
- that they learn from you too!
- that they have fears still too…they just mask them wonderfully
pick up the phone and say ‘hi ma!’ and see you monday
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note to readers…life lessons are not always about me…they are about people and things that teach me, inspire me and make me think…
to all those who worried—my rants about husbands are not about mine…;-) aditya gets his yells at home…to yell at him on a blog would be kinda pointless when i could just scream!!!! anyone who knows me…knows that this is true!
so here goes…
it’s easier to say ‘live in the moment’ than to actually do that!
most people and give you endless amount of advice (as can i) but to check whether each one follows their own advice …well that’s a toughie!
fight! it helps communication!
the best friends i know fight…the best marriages i have seen have tons of fights…fights help you learn the other persons wants and desires without subduing your own!
live a little….laugh alot!
so….sometimes you need to cheat and have that last piece of chocolate….or watch tv instead of working….stop letting the guilt over power you….you must learn to live and enjoy life…it mustn’t be a chore… laugh…even if you don’t find it funny and everything’s going all wrong…go watch a comedy and laugh! never take urself too seriously…. and never lose ur sense of humour. life’s too tough without a sense of humour!
you are never as fat as you think you are…you never look as bad as you think you do….and someone out there will always find u perfect just the way you are!
women put on weight when looking at themselves in front of a mirror…men worry about premature baldness or greys… we’re never as bad looking as we think we are and if we see ourselves from another’s eyes…how much nicer we may look? so stop worrying! ur perfect!
life is a journey. there are good days and bad days. there are heroes and villains in our lives…but when viewed together by us…we’re living a dream, a film, a movie and guess what- WE’RE THE STAR! so own your life! make it urs and enjoy it…even the singing and dancin in the rain!
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relationships are a tricky thing….most of us find our soulmate quite by chance…and alot of us find our soulmate in an office/ field we are working in!
in the beginning it’s amazing…shared interests, passions, easy office gossip and longer lunch breaks….
but what if! what if it doesn’t work out?
what if she/ he screws up…do you yell at them, fire them like u would anyone else? do you say no, to a bad idea they give you…or does ur relationship and work life become one and the same and ur forced to say ‘yes’ to the bad ideas, cover unfinished work just so that he/ she doesn’t get into an issue….and in between handling all these many crises and ur work…the one thing which will fall apart is ur relationship already weakened by the inability to tell ur co-worker, now ur partner what u feel…the conversations will become shorter, the resentments will build up and the need for ’space’ will creep in!
how do u avoid it?
business is business and love is love. 2 different things for 2 different times….just as u don’t crap where u eat…respect ur relationship enough to know that ur partner shouldn’t have to cover up for you nor u for him….the foundation of every great relationship is a fabulous friendship and u must be able to at all times…say ‘no, this idea sucks…’ to your partner when it does. work with them as u would with any other professional…because of the value they bring to the project and not just because….if u can’t say no to your partner ….they are not in the relationship for the right reasons….
people who don’t know me or haven’t met me…never realise that aditya and i are married if we’re at work or at a rehearsal….there if i’m director-neither lateness, or bad lines or bad acting is forgiven….i am director and NOT the wife!
if he’s producer on a project that i’m working on…i stand in line like everyone else to get approvals on budgets and ideas and scripts…it doesn’t get pushed thru because of our relationship and i respect that.
u can work with ur partner but u gotta respect them! u gotta learn to say no!
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