There are a ton of people in the world that I do not like…I must confess I find it difficult to like people and people find it difficult, I’m sure to like me….but the one thing that really gets me mad is hypocrisy!

sure, we live in a world where image is everything and what you say can make or break an image of you….but to friends and to family surely you must be able to drop the facade and just be. be real. be true. fight. hate. love. but be who you are! isn’t it exhausting to put on a front the entire day!? and do you honestly believe that everyone in the world are completely stupid to not be able to see through the facade, to see thru your lies and rubbish and believe you!

this year has been alot about breaking the facade for me….as in…i am ruthlessly honest…to a fault perhaps because i say what i feel and i am lucky to be allowed the freedom with my friends and family to be able to do that! we have bitter fights but share an amazing bond…that of truth and respect and i hold that in super high esteem…my true friends know that i love with all my heart and at the same time get angry equally strongly and have strong, feisty opinions and they accept me and i am grateful!

but this year has made me pull the wool off several ‘friends.’ i have not pretended to be stupid to their lies anymore and i have seen thru their crap and unfortunately told them!

i realize that in the long run, in life, i have lost a few ‘acquaintances’ but guess what being honest has gained me alot of  TRUE FRIENDS!

so barack obama comes into mumbai tomorrow and the whole city is a flurry of activity! he stays at the taj-where nikhila, my sister heads p.r. and so i have  carefully avoided any and all questions on barack….if i know nothing…i can’t compromise his security …!

over the past few days , the calls on her mobile have been interminable…some asking questions….most asking to meet….those asking to meet move from the friendly–’haven’t heard from you forever…we must catch up…perhaps this weekend at the taj!?’ to the threatening–’do you know who i am?’ to the downright cute and funny…’ i want to meet him…i am an indian citizen and so i should…also my daughter lives in new jersey!!!’

what is the enigma that is barack obama?!

is it the incredible speech he gave as president elect which made the world suddenly stand up and take notice of a man who spoke to each and every individuals hopes and dreams?

is the fact that he represents the under dog in each of us that wants to achieve?

is it that his speeches talk to us and most importantly about us?

and that he tweets and uses a blackberry and listens to pop and rock music and follows the music awards ,follows sports and gave the queen an IPOD!

i think what barack obama achieves is that he reaches each one of us with his ‘normal’ life, uber hot wife, un-star struck kids, family dog and his normal concerns of the normal working class… he came at the time america and the world needed a glimmer of hope and he focussed on the positive with the most positive, unforgettable motto of ‘yes we can!’ he’s smart, inspiring and well the bush jokes have stopped!;-)

i’d like to meet him….and well, maybe i will one day…just to tell him what millions have probably told him before…but because i’m saying it, it’s unique to me—that ‘Mr. Obama….you inspired me…to not just believe that I could achieve but inspired me to think about the good in every situation no matter how dire it was….and you re-established my faith in politics and showed me that change starts small; is not built overnight….but needs to be a continuous process if a dent is to be made in the system…. and my changes have been small but they have made a difference to my life and to the lives of those around me….so thank you for teaching me that the power is within me and i shouldn’t look outside to find the strength that i already have!’

on a funnier note….if each president has a taster…so did bush, i’m assuming and after all that tasting..bush almost choked on a pretzel!!!!! ironic!

So your school life is about fitting in…
Your work life is about fitting in…
Fb status is about fitting in…
Facebook was created to feel like you fit in!!!!
How long till you realise- that you fit in! You are perfect just the way you are! And if to fit in you need to change who you are…then that isn’t fitting in— it’s squeezing in to tight jeans which looks great for a while… Till the button pops!
And then you start all over again….

‘Or being lied upon , don’t deal in lies,

Or being HATED , don’t give way to hating…

And yet don’t look too good- nor talk too wise:’

again from the poem ‘if’ which seems to be something, i must consistently force myself to live by….because i’t so very, very tough!!!!! i deal with lies and falsehoods every day, spread by incompetent people to cover their own frigging behinds and it’s been impossible!

And through all of this, I’ve had to maintain a calm demeanor and my calmness has obviously been misconstrued by the nincompoops as arrogance and so now I’m hated!

I have realised over these past few months is that there are those that work…like me and this that do not…like a few people I now unfortunately know. In order to avoiding the danger of ever having to do work these brain dead paper pushers find fault with your ideas, your processes and you! This is all part of the master plan to not get involved in your work, because then they might actually HAVE to (God forbid  I use the dreaded ‘w’ word!) work!

I am not a calm person! This is just one of my many, many, many failings…but the one thing i am is bloody hard working and a complete workaholic! In order to pacify my parents, my sponsors and apparently my nerves; i have ordered myself to calm down, to enjoy the creative process and to have an open and honest mind to create the best , most fulfilling product that I can– every time, each time!!! I have taken change of actors, halls, locations, venues in my stride– changed scripts, cast,models and sets over night!

But I have realised that i am incapable of dealing with complete laziness and glaring stupidity! And in between all of this i risk losing my self, my passion for my work and my love of it! And so I vent but I have realised something very important.

I AM MY OWN HAPPINESS!

YOU MAY BE AN IDIOT. I AM NOT.

I REFUSE TO LET YOU TAKE CONTROL OF MY LIFE WITH YOUR SMALL MINDED , PETTY ATTITUDE!

YOU MAY TRY TO BREAK ME….BUT STUPIDITY NEVER BROKE ANYONE!

I WILL SURVIVE IN SPITE OF YOU !

YOU WILL CRUMBLE.

I WILL SUCCEED!

I say this to myself every day and guess what…every time I say it….the problems become less in my head and soon it’ll be smaller than a tick and I will crush it!

I will crush you and I will achieve.

“Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build ‘em up with wornout tools;”

A couplet from my favourite poem “If” has summed up these past few months! I have had to learn to give up control! And how! The hardest lessons ever for a self confessed control freak (others would think, who know me, that control freak is too mild a word!)

It’s been hard but I have learnt so much! The day before we left to the US  for my play ‘ A PERSONAL WAR’ , a cast member had to drop out for personal reasons! I was in shock, but chose to just update the play, make the changes and move on and boy did that work for me! With a heck of a lot of stress I nervously started my first rehearsal and show only to have had the most successful run of ‘A Personal War’ ever! The crowds were amazing, the response phenomenal and I won BEST DIRECTOR FOR AN OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE AT THE NEW YORK INTERNATIONAL FRINGE FESTIVAL!!! I am possibly the FIRST Indian to have won this glorious award!

All the moving ons were possibly not as ‘easy’ but I have decided I am going to share them…blog by blog , page by page….because sometimes to move on you have to acknowledge the pain it took!

new york has inspired me to write atleast 2 more scripts…. the city is a wonderful, yet crazy contradiction…on one hand it’s a working person’s dream city…with pace and speed, and professionalism and suits and on the other hand it’s like all everyone talks about is relationships….

” and so he said….” and ” but do you think she’s worth it…” or ” are you sure he likes you…” and ” well i told him to move out…” seem to be the only conversations people seem to be having and it’s amazing…we can all work our work life out perfectly but relationships are hard… and we don’t seem to value them enough….we also don’t seem to think they’re hard or need work….and the one thing this city and the last few days have made me realise that life’s not worth it without relationships and relationships are worth the time we invest….!

relationships with husbands/boy friends/ girl friends /families….all difficult…all interesting…all tough!

to make them work- pick a side and then fight for that side till the end…that’s the only way it’ll work….that’s the only way u’ll work!

relationships can’t be half hearted/ half baked…u have to go out there and put in all you can and make it work…in a marriage, in a friendship and in life…else don’t even try and put the ones u don’t have time to invest in , in an ever growing group of ‘acquaintances’….

if ur calling someone a friend/marrying/ going out with someone….GIVE IT ALL YOU’VE GOT!

COS…..IT’S WORTH IT!

FringeNYC 2010 Festival Review

A PERSONAL WAR- STORIES OF THE MUMBAI TERROR ATTACKS

nytheatre.com review
Julie Congress · August 15, 2010

Yesterday, I had one of the most profound moments in the theatre I have ever experienced. The show was nearing its end, and suddenly I stood up, and everyone around me stood, faster than is possible. So I find myself there standing, and I don’t know why. There is a song playing and I look at the actors lined up onstage and the audience members around me and some of them are mouthing what I now realize is the Indian national anthem. Yesterday was Indian Independence Day. Yesterday was also the day that I became a better, more knowledgeable citizen of the world by seeing A Personal War.

A Personal War – Stories of the Mumbai Terror Attacks is playwright-director-actor Divya Palat’s homage to those who died on 26/11—the day the terrorist attacks on India began in November of 2008. Joined by five other exceedingly talented actors, all from Mumbai, Palat educates us about the horrific incident through video projections and by following the lives of six characters leading up to, during, and after the attacks.

One by one, the characters come out to the chair positioned centerstage and introduce themselves, often quite humorously, by way of a monologue. A young lawyer regales us with his story of that time he and his best friend Tim, “or was it Tom?”, well he and “Tim-Tom” got locked in a prison in Dubai and his dad had to bail him out and send him to a maximum security prison…his office. We meet a young mother with dreams of fashion and Bollywood, a love-struck, adorably shy young man who works at a call center, a waiter at the Taj Mahal Hotel, a news reporter, and Palat, as herself, who was out for a jog with her dog.

It is shameful how little I knew about the Mumbai terror attacks. I did not know the terrorists targeted the grandiose Taj Mahal Hotel, the Leopold Restaurant, and Trident Oberoi Hotel. I had not seen the powerful footage of gunmen, and blood and bodies. The video is powerful but does not overpower the stories of these characters, told simply through heartfelt monologues by first-rate actors. The waiter becomes a hero, the lawyer fights for his survival, the news reporter fights with her conscience and her boss over what is ethical and what is required by a news commentator in such a time. Palat does not know what to do other than watch the TV as the city—her city—comes under attack.

So I’m standing at the end of the performance, part of this beautiful community of strangers, and Palat, tears in her eyes, tells us that they have come all the way from Mumbai because they want to prove the we can be the change, that one voice does make a difference. That’s why you need to see this show. Note that all proceeds go to the Mumbai Police Commissioner’s Office.

Pictured: Sanket Mhatre (photo © Neha Nath)

so been so busy with the Fringe Fest in NYC i’ve been out of touch with the real world….super in touch with the drama of theatre ; the drama of the city of new york and the drama of the people –locals , tourists et all have been all that i’ve been seeing around me…snippets of conversations and crazy clothes, outrageous hair styles and of course the big city lights have been the backdrop of my visit to nyc!

first show was house full and there has been much talk on the show…i look at each show as one gone by and stress about the one to come! Maybe that’s just me….but I’d rather not rest on laurels and I prefer to stress about the future…

I could write a play here…! I feel very inspired right now by the drama of the city…

let’s see

too much has gone on in these last few months to even recollect…i don’t know when i stopped writing and i don’t know why….maybe work caught up with me or i felt far too strongly about things that were happening to be able to right blogs/ articles about them…it’s difficult to try and bottle up your thoughts on to a sheet of paper or in 200 words! but today i felt i could write again and so i am!

suicides…many people asked me opinions, comments, thoughts and i suddenly had to form my own opinion of the spate of suicides that seem to have been taking over our papers and our consciousness!in india to go to a psychiatrist / a shrink means u must be mad…and so people avoid them…i mean what will people think? what will prospective in laws think? what will everyone say about him/ her as a person and about you as a family member and so instead of talking things out/ seeking help we encourage people t o bottle it all up till it explodes violently and manifests sometimes tragically in suicide! we need to make a change –speaking to a shrink/psychiatrist/psychologist should not be frowned upon …it should be encouraged! it is difficult for us to form non-biased opinions when we talk to our friends/relatives…so we should encourage them to speak to a third party professional who might give them the non-judgemental listening ear they need….this is what i believe.

abuse! abuse in relationships is something we should take seriously….physical abuse is deplorable…only a coward would hit a woman….a brainless, weak, pathetic excuse of a man would hit a woman because he has no recourse to logic, common sense and decent behavior. people who think that a few whacks here and there or now and then are ok should be whacked themselves and jailed for complete stupidity! an abuser needs psychiatric help and a jail sentence. he needs to realise it’s wrong to hit someone. he needs to realise the full weight of his actions and we in india must NEVER condone hitting…we must in fact set a precedent and help get abused women out of those hell holes! most times the woman has been so abused that she doesn’t have the guts to get out of this pathetic excuse for a relationship….we need to help her/ support her and build up her confidence! i could go on and on….

but today i shan’t…i’m starting to write again and we must have more positive news to talk about…i’m off to new york and with my play ‘A Personal War- Stories of the Mumbai Terror Attacks’ and am v v v excited….and terribly nervous…the next few days has an NCPA Show, bank work and visa and passport work, last minute shopping and lots of packing….. btw we’re already sold out for our premiere ny show! so yay!!!!

hoping to write more frequently…hoping to find more time!

so yesterday i was so proud to read that my friend (and yes it makes me even prouder to say that!!!) mr. sivanandan has been appointed director general of police!!!!

a man of incredible integrity and great humility- i am always in awe of him when i do meet him! it is easy to abuse power and position and he is one of the few men who never abuses either. a supporter of my every endeavor, he is always offered me valuable advice and insight. when i have needed help in any way or even lost faith in work that i am pursuing; his words of encouragement make me strive harder!  in a world where appearances are planned and pre-planned, where logo sizes are more important than what a company stands for and where being late is fashionable and being on time, a sign of failure- this is the one man who breaks every rule and commands the respect of a crowd and of a city–because he deserves it!

he just is. there are no trappings, no starry tantrums, no brick walls to break down to get to him– he is available, accountable and it is his assurances that have made us feel safe in the city today! he doesn’t play the blame game and the buck stops with him! direct, to the point and with a no-nonsense approach ; he won over the trust of a city reeling from the worst calamity in years- 26/11! he gave us our city back and i feel safe now!

thank you mr. sivanandan for making the mumbai police easier to approach,web savvy, fitter and safer!

with you as director general…i know our country takes one large step in the right direction!