so all the stresses start again and pre production means nothing till we go into production and i start doubting and worrying (but then again whats new!) and i’m happy-scared, if that’s even an emotion!
long night of work ahead….2 cups coffee stored! better stay up!
I have always known you’ve had a plan,
I know that I do what I can—
But it must work out the way you see,
Cos you have always known what’s right for me.
It amazes me, when it all goes right,
I then understand the power of your might,
And I know I stress alone , in vain,
Cos you will protect me from all the rain.
And I love that despite, all my silliness, all my strife,
You’ve protected and loved me for my entire life,
And I thank you each day, for never going away,
For teaching me how to live,
To love , to care, to learn, to forgive.
I hope one day I will be worthy of this life I live,
I hope that one day I have something I can give,
I hope that one day I learn to be a man,
I hope one day I have faith-THERE IS A PLAN!
how do you know when you’re doing too much?
i have started working around the clock again and talking in my sleep and then waking myself up cos of disturbing stresses, nightmares and worries and yet i’ve never been happier….a crazy workaholic i know i’d go mad if we were forced in to holiday mode….but honestly i’m pretty tired! decided to take the weekend off and have already filled it up with ‘fun’!
how do you know ur doing too much?
Ans-: If you can’t go without planning ur fun—ur doing tooooo much!
ok now i’m done,day over and tired, more auditions, more meetings, less food—no coffee!
JESUS!
wrote the post…forgot to upload….made the video…edited….starting again….more stuff…more rewrites…more schedules…! madness!
so after 18 hrs of shouting n screaming, believing in myself and then not believing…we created a schedule for the show which i’m sure will change tomorrow….the fun process of creation never ceases to amaze me…..you work 18-20 hrs at a stretch, forget to eat, never sleep and yet feel refreshed, re-energised and happy at the end of a day….incredible, mad-i start in 5 hrs again!
and i still gotta edit a film!
laughter+gossip+great friends make for a fabulous meal…yup sure the food was good but the company even better!
A lunch that took 3 hours! fun, fabulous and recharged me for an entire evening of editing and re-editing! thank you suhail, krits and of course dits and cuka (noone can be thanked without thanking cookie 
)
hope to put the video up soon on the blog!
must watch a movie….must wander phoenix…must drink coffee… must relax…!
will edit my film… will go thru script… will do meetings… will worry!
must make my wills and musts the same…. aaah heck! where’s the fun in that!?!!
so i’m tired…. i never thought i’d actually say that but i’m exhausted….asthma, tonsillitis, fever, over exhaustion and auditions are not an easy combination! still working on the scripting today but hopin to end sooner…! got a trailer of ‘A PERSONAL WAR’ to edit tomorrow so need to be at peak condition!
i love my work….it keeps me busy….doesn’t allow me to stress about my health… i mean let’s be real- anyone who knows me knows how much i love to stress and by stressing about my work , i don’t have anytime to worry about my health. so it’s kind of a twisted, silly but completely workable circle!
been chatting with a friend on ms. i guess i never realised how the families feel…. i never realise how brave my parents were when i got sick and how brave aditya was. i owe them my recovery. they didn’t allow me to feel sorry for myself and instead encouraged me to want to get up, get out of hospital and to start my life again…and then there were my imps- my classes where i re-learnt how to speak , how to laugh , how to live! my students were and some still are family…every experience helped me move up and on and every moment i lived , i learnt to try and forget the moments i almost didn’t!
I remember a poem I wrote soon after i got out!
I have so much,
So much to see,
Need to learn so much,
So much to be me,
I need to paint, to create, to dance, to act,
To understand the differences between philosophy and fact,
To find out who I am and who I’ll become,
To sit, to crawl, to walk, to run!
A short life made even shorter just by a whim
Someone up there needs me; needs me to come to him,
And so I am angry, angry for lack of time,
Angry that he takes something, not realising that it never was mine,
But now I know what is actually true,
Won’t waste time dreaming, will actually do.
Won’t give up, it’s only then I will lose,
Won’t live in fear, won’t use God as an excuse,
Will learn to fight, Fight through the pain,
See the sun, even thru pouring rain,
Count every colour on the rainbow and every star in the sky,
Learn to enjoy each second, not wasting time asking why
Learn to laugh, fight the tears inside,
Learn to stand up. I will not hide,
Learn to be me as best as I can,
Make my mistakes-that’s who I am
I’ll use each moment to learn how to give,
I will not die until I live.
—-yup…I won’t die until I live!
and so for this headache (which is pretty bad–hence the morose poem !!!!!!) here comes combiflam!
hopeful faces…auditions, sweaty palms, worries….! and pain, regrets, loss, disappointments…. it was tough deciding who should make it and who shouldn’t….each one was worthy….
tired after the audition. tired of choices. proud of the youth. honest opinions. clear thoughts. focus and drive!
sorry for the one words….but it’s been a long day!
